// get a grip ;;
February 7, 2010
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I wish I could hold onto reality.. But it’s slipping so fast.
I slept as much as I could last night, in the event that I might not be able to get much sleep later on. Apparently I sat up in my sleep… from what my cousin and sister told me. But, I don’t have any memory of it. Anyway.. I wake up with a sore throat.
My fingers are feeling numb by the afternoon, just tired and I’m feeling like I want to pass out. My legs wobble when I try to walk… It doesn’t feel normal walking anymore. I have this feeling I’m going to fall over any minute now…
I’m online for a while, playing a game. I later leave with my cousins, sister and aunt to go eat and then to a game arcade… I manage to eat stuff, but I begin feeling kind of tired. I used my inhaler once… And then we went to the arcade.
I played DDR and the same outcome occurred. My legs stopped obeying and I fell over completely. I was also dizzy, but… I don’t want my entire being to be so weak both physically and emotionally. I have to push myself and test the limit. Break that limit..
I’m feeling feverish, and I have a cough along with my sore throat. Now I have more trouble breathing as the coughing interferes with my lungs and the flow of air. I already had too little air traveling into my body… Now even less.
I.. just don’t know what will happen to me. I tell everyone it will be okay… But I’m scared of the outcome. What will happen to me if I am diagnosed with a serious condition?
Then.. I won’t be able to accomplish my goal… I won’t be able to make people happy anymore…
But.. if I do end up having a serious condition… I will keep it to myself. I won’t tell anyone… I’m sorry..