Warning. This blog post may be confusing. Please proceed with caution.
The first half will be about my illness. The second half, about high school.
I went to the doctor yesterday and I guess there is something wrong with my lungs. Hence why I keep coughing, inability to breathe and such. I looked it up more, and I guess it’s something that has the possibility to lead to lung cancer in the future.
I honestly don’t want to accept that fate, but I also wanted to be treated the same, whether I have it or not… I really don’t want to be excused from something because I can’t do it… I know I get tired and worn out and I fall apart so easily when I have to be physical, but…
I promised I would be safe and get better, but I also don’t want to be left out of things that people generally would do… But if I think about it, sitting here… it also hurts. I also feel worn out just sitting here… My lungs can’t handle a lot of it anymore… but I still want to try to the best of my extent.
I’ve been prescribed with two more medicines. I still have to use my inhaler, I have to take these medicines, I have to blah, blah, I don’t want to… It hasn’t been helping. It won’t help. If it DOES help, I wouldn’t have to go BACK to the doctor SO MANY TIMES. Really… if this medicine doesn’t help in the next 5 days, I have to go back… again.
I’ve been thinking. and thinking. and thinking. And I can’t seem to figure it out. I… don’t know what to do as a career. People have thrown so many ideas at me, and I’ve rejected them all for the fact that I’m just not good at those things. I really don’t know why. I like to do them, but I CAN’T imagine myself doing it as a career. I… really don’t understand what my mind is trying to tell me.
Singing was one of them. But you would have to take choir and all, and well, I’d prefer to stay out of choir. They teach you things to do to help you sing, potentially. But to be honest, I’d rather sing with the way that it is most comfortable for me. Plus, I’m sure millions of other people would become singers before me. My voice just isn’t that good. >->
Voice Acting, eeeeer. To be honest, with my voice, I would end up being those chibi characters that are usually always hated because they’re so annoying or something. >->;
Writing. I hate my writing. I’m not a good author. My stories are always so meaningless. But I CAN’T stop writing. I don’t know why… But I really don’t like to write in general…
I’m also wondering about these honors classes… I struggle, but I want to stay in honors. And my elective.. I just don’t know. I’m so confused now…