// only a miracle ;;
February 22, 2010
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I don’t know what to put as a synopsis here. You can either read or not. :3
I’m very, very happy that people around me care enough to tell me to get better soon… However, even though I would like to get better, I have this feeling of doubt inside me… I don’t think I will get better. And… that’s coming from the daily energetic, optimistic girl.
The only side of the story I told people was that I didn’t feel well, I was coughing or having a stuffy nose. To be honest.. the suffering is so much more than that. I’m sitting here on the computer, and I’m already feeling tired. It’s so hard to breathe. My chest hurts so badly, I’m trying as hard as I can to take breaths… but for some reason, it feels like that any moment… I could fall over and end everything.
I don’t want to end everything. I want to continue being optimistic. I want to keep the promises I made to my lover. I want to have faith in myself without having this doubt inside me. All these things I want to be able to do… but right now, I’m hanging onto a strand of hope. It’s.. such a thin rope. A rope of promises that I intend to keep.
No matter what, I’m always hanging onto these obstacles. I want to be able to feel like I can sing to my heart’s content without coughing to death. I don’t want my fate to end up like Mitsuki’s*.
But.. I want to hide this suffering. However… I promised not to hide my feelings. I’m stuck in-between being selfish by to break a promise, or selfless by letting everyone know how I am. It’s.. hard for me, because I never want to worry others. But I also never want to break a promise…
I have to make myself manage throughout life until I get better… I must get better. I must keep that one promise, at the very least.
* = Mitsuki Koyama is the protagonist from Full Moon wo Sagashite, and she has a throat tumor that causes her to be unable to sing for long without coughing.